Sports Hypergamy and the Irrational Bills’ Fans

by Sam Prince @PhiSammaJamma

I live in Upstate New York. It snows. The economy is mediocre at best. But worst of all I live in Bills country. Just down the road a few hours is Cleveland, another “Hell on Earth.” The football gods hate everyone living along Interstate-90, from Cleveland through Buffalo, and all the way to New York City.

 

It’s Never Sunny on I-90.

 

This is the most depressing place in America for sports’ fans (unless you like Lacrosse-Go Knighthawks), and I absolutely LOVE it. Tune into sports radio after any Bills game, and you’ll hear rhetoric one hundred times more funny than any George Carlin stand-up. Netflix should do a special on Bills post-game radio. It’s pure comedy:

 

“They do this to us every year!”

“Why is it so hard to win?!”

“Why do we keep going to games?”

 

And I ask the same question, just in a much calmer and less screechy voice. Why do YOU keep going to games?  Is it because, “nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills?”

 

I just don’t understand why people in this area subject themselves to mediocrity, when you could just go a couple states over and be Patriot’s fan? I could at least understand being a Giants fan. At least they’ve won a championship in the last decade.

 

After those FOUR STRAIGHT Superbowl loses, you should have known life as a Buffalo Bills fan wasn’t going to get any better, and jumped shipped then.

 

For what it’s worth, I admire your self-sacrifice even though I think it’s foolish. You’re a Bills fan through thick and thin, but mostly thick, or is it thin? Well, you get my point. There’s been a lot more bad than good.

 

That’s why you (and Cleveland Browns’ fans) should practice sports hypergamy.

 

Hypergamy is defined as, “the practice among Hindu women of marrying into a caste at least as high as their own.” In layman’s it refers to “marrying up,” or leaving something that cannot or is not benefitting you for something that can.

 

THE BILLS ARE PROBABLY NOT BENEFITTING YOU.

 

It’s time to cancel the season tickets. Stop taking trips to Ralph Wilson just to see a loss. I’m not telling you to quit being a fan forever. You can come back when they start winning; but in the meantime, stop wasting the wonder years of your life rooting for teams that aren’t putting a quality product on the field.

 

If you’re going to spend your hard-earned money padding billionaires pockets, at least pad the ones who put a winning team on the field.

 

Thanks for listening, and now I’m probably going to have to enter WITSEC, because I just said a lot of bad things about the Bills, excreting where I sleep.

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