BOOBIES are BOORING

By S. A. Prince

Boobies are boring. Not really. They’re actually quite exhilarating. But they’ve become a symbol of something bigger these days, a movement that has rocked the nation. No, I am not talking about the “I must, I must increase my bust” breast enlargement exercise spurred on by Judy Blume’s iconic novel, “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret.” I’m talking about feminism, which is competing with watching paint dry and this for the most boring thing to endure.

Honestly, nobody has to endure it. I typically don’t. It’s just every time I turn on the television and hear feminist rhetoric (which is becoming more frequent) it sounds something like link

Does anybody want to go burn bras and listen to Pussy Riot?

Feminism used to be a respectable, but is now a mob movement. It throngs, operating on whims instead of tangible goals. Much like the other social movements, “Black Lives Matter” for example, feminism makes demands of the power structure, seeking to extort a ransom while holding a pellet gun.

These petty demands will result in a female CEO being named every once in a while, but that’s not substantial change. Feminism’s effects are greatly marginalized as they continue to suffer in a system they do not control. It is the rare occasion that a selected female will receive the illusive golden ticket, a ploy to satiate feminism’s vitriol, and at the same time jauntily mock them.

What then is the body pride movement, if not an insult? On the surface level, the movement flaunts respectability, showering all women with praise while fostering a staunch confidence in regards to their figure. The movement serves all women: the too skinny, the too big, and the too regular. Whatever you are, you’re likely too much of something, and even though you’re too much of something you shouldn’t be body shamed.

Damn those body shamers, girl. You wear that fatkini with pride. Win for feminism.

Surface level, I’m not against the body pride movement, but isn’t it ironic? Feminism advocates for gender equality, but still allows for the objectification of women as sex symbols through the body pride movement. We are beginning to see plus size models on the cover of popular magazines, and this is considered progress?

And I guess it is progress, if by progress you mean that pleasantly plump women can now be subject to the same sexual objectification as their paper thin counterparts.

And let’s not forget, in case you did feminist, that it is men and their publications that benefit from feminine objectification, not you. Why? Because, women are often still stuck on the bottom floor looking up through the glass ceiling at the men and handful of women that actually benefit from the system.

The doors of the Church of Objectification are open wide, ALL SIZES ARE WELCOME.

Feminist, and those who are a part of any movement, there are three realities about the world (our current economic and political system) that you may not like, but that you need to understand:

There is NO such thing as EQUALITY.

Wealth is KING.

RIGHT belongs to those with MIGHT.

The reason feminism is boring is that by now you should have realized these three things. There are many women and men who are feminist, but you are dissipated due to failed organizational leadership. If you all combined your economic resources, you’d be a force to truly be reckoned with. Not only could you create businesses that promote feminist ideals, but you’d increase your political influence too.

Why settle for body pride when you could have so much more?

 

Notes:

  • Thank you for the hilarious cover photo Tumblr
  • funny-flat-girl-problems
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