by S.A. Prince
Absentee fatherhood is an epidemic, especially in the black community with roughly 80% of children being born illegitimately. Those figures are hurled over and over again like a boomerang, that browbeating unfortunately leading to discovery typecasting as modern day social scientist predict our future. They are self-fulfilling prophets. All those who readily digest such damning statistics immediately look for a patsy cause. God forbid they practice any form of objectivity.
If you have yet to take notice to this fact, you will: We live in a country that values the answer, and not the question. If we valued the questioning process, then we would find the right questions to ask, and as an end result the right answers. People tell you that there are “no stupid questions,” which is indeed true. There are no stupid questions. The most concerning observation pertaining to questioning is that many people who say there are “no stupid questions” often carry themselves as a demigod, too sure of the answer. It is upon this premise that many social scientist, activist, and “thinkers” approach the problems we face in society. There are no stupid questions, but even if there were it doesn’t matter, because we have all the answers.
This is the curse of the bold, of the people that are too sure of themselves. They often never ask the right question to get the right answer, not because they are stupid, but because they accept the first question as gospel and only answer that. This is the short explanation of how we’ve reached a societal boiling point, allowing ourselves to slam the gavel of judgement and heap sentence upon absentee fathers.
Absentee fathers are not the problem. We simply think absentee fathers are the problem, because the absence of a parent affects the economic vitality of the family unit. An incomplete or single-parent household in today’s day and age often operates with negative synergy. Let’s come back to that.
I don’t want to diminish the role of the father. A father is important because he is a father, not because he is a husband (or partner, lover, etc). When his masculine energy is combined with the feminine energy balance is brought to the home. This is confirmed by the Law of Gender (Hermetic Principle). The absence of a father is indicative of an incomplete experience for a child, however, the absence of the father is not a damning sentence for a child, especially in today’s unbalanced landscape (due to the lack of objectivity). Likewise, if we switched the scenario and mothers were absentee, we’d try to blame them in the same manner, yet the aforementioned point would still apply. An absent parent is not necessarily a daunting situation.
“An incomplete or single-parent household in today’s day and age often operates with negative synergy.” This negative synergy is not the result of an absentee father. It is an infrastructure issue. Yes, you read that right. The issue is infrastructure. The communities that lack a strong infrastructure have a higher rate of illegitimate children and single-parenthood.
Not having a father does matter, but it matters significantly less than a having strong infrastructure and an associated patriarchy. The mother and the child would be supported by the infrastructure, as the infrastructure has a vested interest in their livelihood because it must maintain itself and grow. As a matter of fact, if a strong infrastructure existed then there would ultimately be less absentee fathers (because some men are going to walk away regardless of infrastructure). The infrastructure would be a safe haven, providing a systematic process to help the family blossom. Men would be afforded the necessary opportunities (opportunities that black and indigenous men currently do not have) to adequately provide for their families. What does this all boil down to? The problem of absentee fatherhood is strictly an economic one.
A strong infrastructure can only be built through trade. In order to trade, one must have something of value: a knowledge, a skill, a good, and/or money. There must be assets. A strong infrastructure cannot be built on liabilities, because there is nothing of value to be traded by the inhabitants of that community. Without anything of value a deal cannot be made, or a constructive conversation begun. Look at the communities who have the highest and lowest rates of illegitimacy in the United States. Blacks and Indigenous Indians have the highest rates, whom are the two most disenfranchised groups in the United States, while Pacific Islanders and Whites have the lowest rates.
Whites make up over half the US population, but have one of the lowest rates of illegitimacy. This is because their communities, as much of the US is still highly segregated, have a strong infrastructure and a future they can offer their families. I’d also be willing to wager that those numbers are diluted by whites who are racially integrated with other cultures, specifically living in the cities. If those people were not counted, undoubtedly the white illegitimacy rate would be lower.
So what does all of this mean, and where does that leave mothers who are dealing with absentee fathers?
First, get away from government aid. You cannot allow Uncle Sam to take the place of a father. If you need it, I get that. Still, do your best to ween off of it. Complacency is as addictive as heroine. The government, though it has economically taken the place of men does not and will not provide for you as a man would. Rather, the government treats you like a pimp does a prostitute. They give you the bare minimum to survive. You are living off the scraps. Don’t believe the “blessed are the poor” talk. There is no happiness in living life as a pauper.
Second, understand that the majority of the world operates under a patriarchy. Therefore, the infrastructure most readily likely to provide stability is a patriarchy. Men need a reason to stay. Many say that fatherhood is reason enough. I couldn’t disagree more. That’s the message you’ve been socially conditioned to believe. Simply having a child is not an adequate reason to stay. Women need security. Men need opportunity. Never forget that. If a situation does not logically compute to a positive, then a man will eventually leave, maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually he will. This is why the best and the brightest from both the black and the indigenous Indian communities, leave them. There is no opportunity because there is no infrastructure.
This doesn’t fall on you ladies, and to be honest, fighting illegitimacy is an uphill battle. Remember, the system that we live under has been socially conditioned. We are the proverbial lab rat, epistemologically unaware of this nightmarish truth. It’s going to take a movement of epic proportion to achieve a change in this reality. It is possible though.
Everything must be done to provide growth opportunities within the community for the current children. Many of the men may be lost, or they may not be, but the children hold the key to the future. If you live in a community without a strong infrastructure, it is important to assemble whatever men remain. They must learn things of value, things that can be traded with one another (of course, when this happens they may want to jump the fence and leave the community). Once the individual men are operating as assets rather than as liabilities, they can then lay a strong foundation.
Once this happens in one community, and it only needs to happen in one community, other communities will follow suit. This is how a movement is begun. It is quintessential that process begins now.