After You Have Your Death Threat Cherry Popped, What Do You Do Next?

by THE NOT YET DECEASED 

You know, there are hallmark moments in our lives, moments that we’ll never forget. Bar Mitzvahs, 21st birthdays, when your first child is born. And then, there’s the time you receive your first death threat. Most people, if they’re lucky, are not among the privileged ones to receive that honor. I was among that population, well, at least until yesterday at 7:11 PM.

Sure, I’d like to be a widely recognized and renowned writer someday, but I’d also like to not go the 50 Cent route. You know, if I could skip the whole getting shot nine times thing, that’d be great. But, we always don’t get what we want, do we?

I’m not sure what provoked the guy (who shall remain nameless), but he reached out from his personal social media account (how foolhardy) to express his dissatisfaction. Apparently what I did, to which he was not specific about, was enough to warrant my death at his hands. Whether that death will be directly or indirectly is yet to be determined.

My first thought was to contact my parents, but I didn’t want them to freak out. They’d have probably overreacted. So, the first thing I did was contact the local police. They saw the messages and we identified the guy, but you know what they told me?

“Call us after he kills you.”

I’m kidding. The kind officer didn’t really say that, but he might as well had. “There’s not much that can be done at this point,” is what the officer actually said, and what else could I do but thank him for his time? Now, I’m not sure whether or not this gentleman is going to follow through on his threat, but this is a good learning lesson for us all.

Let’s say he does follow through on his threat, and shows up to kill me. What do I do next? Do I call the police with the man bearing down on me, hoping they arrive in time? I’d probably be dead. The police are first responders. They respond to a crime that has been committed, and rarely do they prevent it.

Can somebody please give me advice on what to do?

Sorry, just kidding again. Fortunately, I know exactly what to do, and biding my time while in crisis isn’t an option. Let’s just say that I fully support the second amendment. When you have something precious, you protect it. Don’t ever play guessing games with your life or with the lives of your friends and family, hoping a hero in Blue gets to me in time.

I don’t want to scare anybody, but what if you get a death threat like I did today, take the appropriate steps to be protected, and yet are denied that protection by the system? Like I said, most people don’t receive death threats, or even have an incident where deadly force is used against them. But, are you willing to take that chance?

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